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Sunday, September 6, 2015

Personal Goals through Volunteering and Co-op

Hello there!

In my earlier blog on volunteering where I discuss about my experience and why I want to volunteer, I think I have put in too much detail in explaining those goals I've listed.

After noticing two of my classmates yesterday at Williams Fresh Cafe where I was eating this tex mex salad, and one of them asked me how my summer was, I thought about giving her a short written story about it while I was on my way back to my new home in UW Place.

Somehow, this idea persisted into more of a blog because I feel that telling things in a more simple fashion would catch on the meaning of why I'm struggling a lot and why I feel kind of sad a lot.

So, let me discuss my personal goals.

        I want to move out permanently from Quebec because based on the inability to speak French fluently, following along my experience of being so discriminated on the basis of language (where I felt really too hard on myself and rather insecure) and not being able to get a job, I feel that living someplace else in Canada or the US would allow me to access resources and society that otherwise I wouldn't while living in Quebec.

        I want to forward an official complaint to the Government of Quebec for having them discriminate against me and thus ruining the first 20 years of my life with lack of resources in English and how I felt so insecure and alienated that I couldn't stand up to the resources that already existed. In addition, this was the reason why I could not develop my social skills as much as I should have by now. This is for other reasons that I can't tell too.

        As much as I do want to be a leader, one thing that I am noticing about me that others can take against me is my sense of arrogance and idealism instead of being extremely realistic. There's also coordination and how I don't understand on what management is about, especially with me ready to cry when someone goes against me. Volunteering could, at one way, introduce me to learning opportunities on what leadership is about. (There were leadership camps offered by Riverside School Board when I was at high school, but I had issues with my perception back then, especially when it was hard to get used to a realistic environment.)

        Pay back my serious debt I’ve been holding up to this point, from taking in education loans I’ve been signing up for, to AFE Quebec. (That will involve finding a job where I can finally make more money than how much it costs for university education, and so I’m to work on both my soft skills and my hard skills. As much as I got a few connections saying to work on my hard skills, based on the opinion from my bosses at Conrad and how I’m to emphasize teamwork and coordination nowadays with moving forward on assignments, I definitely need to work on my soft skills. Too bad I didn’t sign up to volunteer as an orientation leader for Engineering Orientation. )

        Earn some money I can spend on for going out to places such as arcade game centres, suppers at different restaurants, buying things that I really want but couldn’t afford right now because they are expensive (not to go too excessive, though), possibly to different places through travel and check out the scenery there, as well as rent apartments that are better than the one I rented for the summer. In fact, this is a great way for me to get along with others and facilitate a fascinating learning experience with them while doing my co-op terms.

Eventually, I need to buy a Wii U and some games that go with it. I’m still persisting and telling that I want Splatoon, Mario Kart 8, and Super Smash Bros. And of course I may decide to afford my own PS4 and Xbox One.

        Help out my parents and do something in return for all the hard work they’ve done in raising me up to what I am right now.

        Get some intensive therapy from specialists with regards to things on what I want to do as well as find ways on how to change my perception so that way it is more realistic. This is also a chance for me to improve my communication skills and for me to get around my obstacles of feeling so down and pressured all the time; it’s a way for me to sleep much easily, as well as understand so many abstract ideas that future employers could make me want to learn, along with my professors, my classmates, and even the rest of my own connections. I also want to enhance my learning abilities rather than having to get into the habit of using special needs tools so that other people with those needs can use it.

It’s about time I develop a strong sense of realism and get away from things such as social anxiety, social awkwardness, and sadness. It’s also about time that I get away from being so verbose whenever I express my thoughts, because I rather want to have others get my point in the simplest way possible.

I wrote those personal goals down because when I tried out volunteering as a welcoming guest to greet families this morning (on the day this was written), one of the things I found out that made me feel down was when I saw some a lot of the Engineering Orientation 2015 leaders working together to help students move their stuff in, and how I couldn't sign up to be an Orientation Leader when I found out that my stress thing was becoming better.

There's also when some of the folks representing the Waterloo Warriors did the cheers, along with some Orientation Leaders chanted the Engineering Orientation, which made me feel down too because I really was feeling so sad on the kind of accomplishments I wanted that are far from being so realistic. Even then, I would still feel sad anyway because I am not used to having teamwork with people I honestly do not know of, and of course, me taking on people's kind advice, or even some rudeness, too seriously and feeling like an impostor.

Otherwise, I decided to cease volunteering as a family welcomer because I found out that I was being underworked on the fact that orientation leaders have helped the new students move in, with leaders talking to the students about the program and things that I would have asked first. I didn't wanted to make the families there think that we were too repetitive. Overtime, with this and how I felt really discouraged out there from others by plain sight and sound, I lost my enthusiasm and confidence.

One of the things I've learned about volunteering, in reality, is that not every volunteering opportunity I sign up always works out. There are some factors that do affect my performance on the job, and so it's my task to find out how to get the most effective performance as well as see which opportunities work out very well for me. Otherwise, it's my first time doing this volunteering thing for real, and there are still too many opportunities I'll be exposed to that involve first-time volunteering. So I can't necessarily be ready for them.

Some opportunities are not where I belong, whereas some do. It's pretty much experimentation and trying them out. But otherwise, each volunteering I do counts as an experience for my resume and my LinkedIn profile.

However, as my mom describes it, I can't cry like a two-year-old, especially with me feeling so emotional and hypersensitive, by sight, sound and touch. I can't keep myself feeling like an impostor though, or even extreme to sadness and despair, because that places me in a more depressed position, and thus I can't have a high self-esteem from all the values my friends are telling me to keep my happiness for.

Still, I can't really help myself out much though because in reality, some stresses and failures are definitely needed in order to facilitate success later, just like any engineering project.

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